Resisting The Urge To Act Like An Idiot

Today I got up early so I could be at a certain store when it opened at 8 in the morning. I was having a good time shopping for our Christmas Eve dinner and looking at all the little trinkets, listening to the overhead speakers sing out LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW ,LET IT SNOW!

Then I heard a person say something to me. I turned around to see a black women I had earlier passed in the aisle. She was 40ish, had a wool cap on, a tan looking suede cape coat was drapping her shoulders , and a shiny silver hoop shone in her pierced nose.

She says to me in a sweet passive yet aggressive way...." Gosh your SO skinny. You need to tell me what kind of diet you are on."

Now for anybody who knows me, knows I am not skinny. I'm not even chubby. I am fat.

So who was she kidding right? I knew what she was doing and implying. I chose to ignore her after giving her the once over , assuming she was a mentaly disturbed homeless person.

However..........

Our paths met again on aisle five, and she once again, with hate and smart assness in her eyes and voice asked me " How you stay so skinny? Ive never seen anyone so darn skinny! You need to write a diet book so that the whole world can know your secret."

By then I had started to shake and feel the adrenaline rush through my blood. I wanted to cry, not because what she said hurt my feelings, but because I was having to hold myself back from stooping down to her level and going all crazy white girl on her.

I wanted SO bad to tell her that my secret to staying skinny was I quite smoking the crackpipe and eating out of garbage dumpsters. And could she be so kind as to tell me where she gets her teeth cleaned and hair done. Because you girl are fine!

But I didnt .

Instead I asked her " Why was she being so mean ? That she didnt even know me. And that she was ugly because she was acting that way."

Um yeah. Go get em tiger. Roar.

So when I went up to pay for my things, I told the cashier about the lady. The clerk picked her phone up to call security to have the lady escorted out. I put my hand up and asked her not to. That I didnt want the woman kicked out, because then it might become this "whole scene" and I didnt want to interupt anyone who was enjoying their holiday shopping. ( Truth be known, I seriously thought this crazy woman may have had a box cutter with my name on it by now .)

So I gathered up my bags headed to my car in the cold rain, my heart disgruntled by everything I was feeling.

I was almost to my car when another black woman approached me. She was dressed very classy and elegantly. Her face filled with kindness. She says to me " I know your hands are full and your busy , but I just want to give this to you. God Bless"

I WISH I could say she handed me a hundred dollar bill.

But I CAN say she was a Jehovahs Witness.( You think she would have waited until I got in my car so she could tap on the door window.) haha. get it? door. knock. because they always come up to your...never mind.

The title of the pamphlet she had given me was " What Influence Does Jesus have On Your Life?"

My answer : He kept me from using silver Christmas tinsel as a strangulation device on asile five on a cold wet December day. And that is my testimony.

P.S. Look for my "GET SKINNY LIKE ME" diet book coming out this summer !!!